an informal expose with parker reilly: take one.

What jobs exist because people are selfish? social media influencers (is that the right term, i'm super old)

If many people consider red to represent anger / passion, blue sadness, green envy, what feelings would some of the other colors like purple, turquoise, silver, or brown represent? purple is party mode (where i dance to all of prince's discography), turquoise means i'm in the mood for shellfish, silver means i'm embracing my age and watching a twelve hour golden girls marathon, and brown... well, i work in a hospital, so it probably means there's an accident to clean up somewhere and that i'm regretting my life decisions

What’s the weirdest thing you have seen on someone’s phone? a fully grown man playing the "my little pony" mobile game. i don't know what it's called because i'm not 42 and i don't wear a fedora as casual wear.

What’s your favorite way to meet new people? consoling them after i make them cry at trivia night.

What areas in your life do you have high hopes for and what are those high hopes? career-wise with boards done i can focus on research, with high hopes being advances in early detection and prompt initiation of treatment in childhood leukemias, BUT I DIGRESS. hi, nora, hopes are high.

what is the most pleasing accent to hear your language spoken with? i get tingles when someone tells me to get the hell out of the way before they run me over with a thick brooklyn accent.

What website or app has completely changed your life for better or for worse? ubereats has singlehandedly raised my cholesterol level and given me hyperlipidemia. THANKS UBEREATS.

What makes you feel old? the fact that there are 69 "now that's what i call music" cds when i proudly owned 1-4.

What’s your favorite non-drug / non-alcohol high? the sound of the chemo bell.

What’s the worst thing you’ve heard one person say to another person? "i really enjoyed 'the last jedi'".

How do you feel about books? does anyone not like books? i'd like to have a conversation with this person.

What was your most memorable dream or nightmare? dream -- emily ratajkowski and i are running down a beach in ibiza toward an all-you-can-eat buffet. nightmare -- ibiza fades out to downtown baltimore and i'm presenting a lecture on testicular cancer in my swimtrunks that i'm thoroughly unprepared for.

What do you love about yourself? my ability to forgive and forget.

what's the weirdest medical thing a total stranger's ever asked you just because you're a doctor? i had someone stop me at a funeral and ask me to look at a suspicious mole. no thank you, doris.

are you actually part robot and is this how you manage not to have time to fucking sleep, what the hell is with your schedule? i've ingested more espresso turbo shots than i'd like to admit. i have a permanent cardiac dysrhythmia but hey, i'm awake.

favorite star wars character? salacious b. crumb. max rebo. ben kenobi. the wampa that luke crawled inside to stay alive on hoth (rip).

what's the last funny video you saw? you asked.

how do you blow off steam? by annihlating my friend cara in call of duty, don't @ me

tell me about your oldest friend. how did you meet them? how long have you known them? probably felicity. we met when i was studying biochem at nyu and dated for a couple of years (throwback, ahem), and we just recently reconciled. we've had our ups and downs, but she's a good person and i'm glad she stuck around.

if you had introduction music, tell me what it would be. the mortal kombat theme.

what saying or figure of speech from a past generation should make a comeback? "radical". calling people "feller". dare i say groovy?

guilty pleasure. expose it here. mid 90s britney spears. i'm also mildly uncomfortable revealing how many times i've seen "titanic" in a public forum.

what smell brings back a certain memory? nothing gross. first of all, i'm glad you think i'd answer with something gross. brute cologne makes me think of my dad.

which book has had a profound impact on your life? i read "1984" so many times when i was younger that the cover fell off. anything by kurt vonnegut and jack kerouac.

because it came up.. favorite 'now' compilation or film soundtrack? now 3 forever. "garden state" and "empire records" had great soundtracks, and for movie music --- star wars, jurassic park, lord of the rings.

text or call? text me if you want me to reply. NEXT.

name the three greatest atheletes of all time. i dare you. challenge accepted. joe montana, michael jordan, wayne gretzky. tom brady is nothing but a solid offensive line and good wide receivers, i will fight people on this until i die.

late night diner food or fancy-schmancy seven course meal? i feel like i know the answer to this, so give the peanut gallery a mock-up of the ideal. late night diner food. jimmy's diner in brooklyn can serve the best calorie and grease-laden breakfast that ever hardened your arteries.

tell me about an interaction you had recently with a stranger. one of the new lab techs walked straight into my chest with a specimen cup full of urine before looking up at me and just saying, "tall".

will technology save the human race or destroy it? are we all going to turn into terminators? i almost typed dementors here, oh god. alexa is learning my likes and dislikes so she can woo me away from my friends and family and kill me in my sleep. i'm about 87% sure.

show me a photo of the most embarrassing piece of clothing that you own. because everyone needs tupac socks.

what keeps you motivated? you're a doctor. not asking for medical advice, but asking what fuels you. medicine is great in the way that it's always evolving. there are new cures and new treatments every day. the idea that there has to be a cure out there somewhere is a pretty solid driving force. otherwise, at least 9 cups of coffee a day usually does the trick.

who was your favorite teacher in school? why? my 9th grade chemistry teacher, mrs. gannon. i was in AP classes and was the youngest one in the class so i stuck to my bunsen burners and stayed solo for most of it, but she kept me focused and taught me a lot about doing things for myself. she showed up at my med school graduation, actually.

what do you get every single time you go to the grocery store/food shopping? taquitos, poptarts, and reeses (eggs, pumpkins, trees, hearts). my body hates me.

you find a remote that can rewind, fast forward, stop and start time. what do you do with it? nice try, adam sandler, i saw click.

what are you looking forward to? being board certified, vacation, toy story 4.

what is one small, simple, and profound lesson you've learned as an adult? don't go to bed mad. it ruins the next day.

how do you feel about breakfast foods? breakfast is the single greatest thing on the planet. i wish surviving solely on eggs benedict didn't mean murdering my arteries before i turn 40.

if you weren't in the medical field, what other profession could you see yourself in? i'd probably be some zany scientist like bill nye teaching kids about acids and bases on saturday morning public access channels.

whats one personal item you'd want buried with you? my internet search history. someone find a way.

have you ever tried something, not like it. then try it again? what was it? mushrooms. does anyone really like mushrooms the first time they try them?

are you the little or big spoon type? little spoon. i like to feel protected. you hear that, saylor?

what movie would be greatly improved if it was made into a musical? friday the 13th. jurassic park. alien. anything with lots of screaming to break out the awful jaunty tunes.

what is the soundtrack of your life right now? (5 song minimum) "i want to know your plans by say anything, humble. by kendrick lamar, because i'm me by the avalanches, i bet you look good on the dance floor by arctic monkeys, an open letter to nyc by the beastie boys.

what inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence? douche flutes. sorry... "vaping pens".

in one sentence, how would you sum up the internet? all of the porn you never wanted.

is a hot dog a sandwich? stop it right now. no. it's a hot dog. it's it's own deliciously processed class.

can anyone do street food as well as new york? (hint: the answer is no.) hard no. have you tried a san francisco street dog? it's a god damn shame.

if someone asked to be your apprentice, what would you teach them? i guess i could teach them some medical stuff, but i'd like to focus on the important things in life. like how to house a whole package of oreos in one sitting.

if you were held at gun point and told that if you didn’t impress them with your dance moves, you would be killed, what dance moves would you bust out? i'd just ask for the gun. it's not worth the shame.

if you were arrested with no explanation, what would your family and friends assume you'd done? got drunk and ended up in nevada trying to break into area 51. someday.

if your five-year-old self suddenly found themselves inhabiting your current body, what would your five-year-old self do first? eat every piece of junk food in the house, watch tv past nine, take a bunch of gratuitous naps.

what is the secret to your awesomeness? keep a copy of jock jams in your car. i guarantee you can't have a shitty day if you start it out with jock jams.

whats one personal item you'd want buried with you? my internet search history.

do you think you're more like a dog or a cat? dog. my affection is easily won over with food and i'm totally okay with head scratches. cats are assholes.

if you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be? world's okayest doctor.

if you could time travel, where would you go first? while i totally understand the butterfly effect and wouldn't want to cripple time and space, punching hitler in the face would be too satisfying to pass up.

do these pants make my ass look big? after 31 years on this planet i've learned to always answer "no" in the shortest amount of time possible unless i really feel like sleeping on the couch for a week.

how would you describe yourself to a complete stranger? i'm parker. i haven't slept since 2005.

what makes you feel accomplished? when patients ask for me by name.

what 'old person' things do you do? i watch a shit ton of jeopardy and occasionally drink (and enjoy) miller high life. it's the champagne of beers.

what was the best thing that happened to you today? my jeep didn't stall out on the on ramp like it's been doing for the last week. it might be time to take the old girl out to pasture.

what was the last thing you did that made someone smile? i got into a pretty epic lightsaber battle with an 8 year old with lymphoma. i lost, the jedi prevailed.

what's in your fix-it kit for a bad mood? jock jams (as previously noted), ben and jerrys, tequila, slingin'.

if you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? the ability to change someone on a genetic level. i could cure diseases or turn people into dinosaurs. the possibilities are endless.

when was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone? what did you do? put my career on the line by declining an offer from one of the top oncology programs in the country. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

if you had the option, what's one thing you would change about yourself? the crippling self doubt that i amassed over three years of high school. never really goes away.

what's the dumbest thing you've ever done? i don't know if it's the dumbest because i did a lot of dumb shit in college that i (thankfully) don't remember, but streaking down the fifty yard line of an nyu football game ranks right up there.

what's your earliest memory? sitting on my dad's lap for giants football while he painstakingly tried to explain everything in terms that a one year old could understand. i can still smell his cologne mixed with a subtle hint of busch beer.

if you were a ghost and could possess people, what would you make them do? check their credit scores.

what would constitute a perfect day for you? buffalo chicken dip, football, fall weather, sweaters, my pager being a thousand miles away, and you.

what's your secret talent? i can climb walls and shoot webs out of my wrists. just kidding, that would be insane. but i can list all 50 states in alphabetical order in under a minute.

which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? this is not up for discussion: over.

if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? who shot jfk.

what do you value most in a friendship? true friends will be the salt to your pepa at karaoke night, and won't judge you when you've had way too much jager and start texting people you shouldn't text.

do you think that aliens exist? yes. thank god trump is making a space force. thank god.

what's on your bucket list? ireland for saint paddy's day (cliche), canals in venice, reach base camp on everest and immediately come back down, scale the burj khalifa.

do you believe in magic? after all of the unbelievable things i've seen in the last year, magic isn't even among the top five.

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? the answer used to be back in queens, but i don't know anymore. anywhere but ohio.

what's your ideal vacation? somwehere warm and sunny with clear water and boozy drinks with umbrella straws and "sparkle" in the name.

what's your cure for hiccups? easy and proven effective: take thirteen individual sips of water. done.

three favorite books? movies? tv shows? books: 1984. on the road. cat's cradle. movies: star wars, the empire strikes back. one flew over the cuckoo's nest. blazing saddles. tv shows: scrubs. freaks and geeks. the cosmos.

what movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of? i will watch jurassic park every time it's on. jeff goldblum's precariously unbuttoned shirt is magnetic.

what's your fondest memory? the first time my dad let me drive the camaro. i accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake and plowed into a neighbor's prized dahlia garden. instead of being pissed or lecturing me, he took me out for burgers and let me drive home.

is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time that you just haven't gotten around to yet, and if so, why haven't you done it? cage diving with sharks. i don't know. i guess i value my life too much.

what's something i still don't know about you? i have a steady repertoire of horribly done celebrity impersonations that only come out after exactly six tequila shots.

what's a secret skill you have that not many people know about? i can recite the entire periodic table with atomic number and weight from memory. now now, ladies, i'm taken.

would you rather have hiccups for the rest of your life or always feel like you have to sneeze but can't? hiccups. at least i'd have a killer set of abs from all the diaphragmatic spasms.

what's the best pizza you've ever had? regular pizza from joe's, though roberta's is a close second based on sentimentality alone.

what's the craziest thing you've seen at work? my emergency room rotation was the craziest. you would be surprised how many people slip and fall on shampoo bottles in the shower.

what's the best halloween costume you've ever had? i went as the dude from the big lebowski three years in a row. i got to wear a bathrobe, it took two seconds to get ready, and it was a free ticket to unlimited white russians.

What was your mother's nickname for you as a child? parks. imaginative, i know.

Who is your movie character hero/influence? (You remind me of Peter Venkman but not awful.) that is the biggest compliment i've ever gotten. cliche points me in the direction of indiana jones based on his split doctor/treasure hunter persona. ben kenobi is up there. doc brown. the dude. inigo montoya.

Who is stronger: me or Cara? Don't lie. c.....a........ra. but to be honest, cara could kick my ass.

What are your opinions on mushrooms and bad sports? HE WAS A FUNGI. GET IT. FUN GUY.

If you were on Jeopardy, what would you do with the money and what would be your anecdote after the first commercial break? from the sound of it, i need a new car. anecdotally speaking: this is parker. he's never had any pets because he's a notorious commitophobe who prefers books to people and animals. and he's watched star wars 762 times.

Worst ever medical drama on TV? Best ever? you know my feelings on this. grey's and ER are tied in first place for worst. scrubs is the best, house is a close second because of the overuse of a lupus diagnosis. i'll say mash is fine just to appease you.

What do you have against Alan Alda? "why are you so obsessed with me?" -alan alda

What's on your gym playlist? celine dion's self titled album really gets me pumped.

What is your dream life? For real, though. I know you want to joke answer me here, but I want to know. a stable work life balance. i love my job, but the hours are killing me. a car that doesn't threaten to stall out on train tracks. maybe a couple of kids -- who knows.

Would you volunteer to be the medical officer on a Mars mission? my answer used to be yes, then i saw "the martian". i can't grow a potato to save my life so i'd die instantly. no thanks.